You know those people you meet and almost immediately, before you really know them, before you’ve shared anything personal, before you’ve learned what makes them tick, you know with a burning truth in your core that they’re an absolute arsehole?  Heather isn’t one of those people. Heather’s brilliant. Heather’s not an arsehole. As she pulled up in her wee red car, unfathomably early in the morning, to pick me up outside my home, I knew straight away we were going to get along. Her exuberant personality was evident as I opened the car door, a beaming smile and a joyous greeting forced me to step out of my early morning crotchetiness despite the cockcrow of first light still ringing in my ears.  Heather greeted me like a childhood friend. I could almost access false memories of parties, shared banter and trips to the pub, such was the wholesome familiarity with which she hailed me into the car. Yet this was only my third time meeting Heather in person, and those other me...

  Steve and Andy aren’t happy with each other. Steve stole Andy’s lunch, a delicious fruit platter piled high with pineapples, mango, and ripe bananas. Understandably, this made Andy angry - he was looking forward to this exotically sumptuous banquet. Steve doesn’t feel too guilty though, he was already furious with Andy, for Andy had only that morning performed a salacious dance for Lola’s benefit, Lola being the female that Steve has his eye on of course, and sadly for Steve, she seemed to enjoy it. As fists are raised towards the canopy and panted barks ring through the forest, violence is all but certain. Chimpanzees, for that, is what Steve and Andy are, have been known to aggressively maim, kill and even cannibalise their brethren when conflict arises. This is bad news for Andy, the smaller of the chimps who I’m sure does not want to be eaten by his family. As the conflict escalates and violent hoots give way to physical posturing, the troop is seconds away from wild and sava...

  A few weeks back I went on a long run with a virtual stranger. My usual running buddy was on parenting duties; pancakes, PAW Patrol and Play-Doh kept him away from his planned training.  Sadly he would remain entrenched in the house on what was a perfect day for running. The sun was shining, the temperature was in double-digits and I had brand new running shoes in an ostentatious colourway. The Holy Trifecta. Of course, long runs are always improved by the company, so it was unfortunate that this key-element had been ruined by the middle-aged burden of responsibility. Luckily, the previous week a third runner had joined us, a friend of my friend who held all the characteristics a good running buddy should hold.  He ran at a similar pace to me, was keen and capable of running the required long-miles and had decent banter. So, despite having only met him once, I reached out. I felt like my six-year-old daughter approaching another child in the playground “Will you run wit...

  **Please note this piece discusses suicide. Feel free to skip this one if that is something you don't want to read about** “Middle-aged men are more likely to die by suicide than any other age group” ( Samaritans,2012) I wonder whether the above statement is shocking to you? I am horrified when I read that roughly 7% of UK children have attempted suicide by the age of 17. I am aghast when I hear that the number one cause of death in mothers, in their first year of motherhood, is suicide. When I discovered that men, specifically middle-aged men from disadvantaged backgrounds have the highest rate of suicide compared to other groups, I said to myself… “That makes sense”. Perhaps it’s because I’m fast approaching middle-aged myself. In fact I may be there already…does 37 count as middle-aged!? Or that in recent years instances of suicide have touched my life that affirms those findings. I inherently knew this was true before the evidence was presented to me. I could have been wrong,...

This five part series ‘How to talk about religion and politics (and why you absolutely should)’ explores the importance of having difficult conversations about the most controversial and divisive topics. How can we turn the most difficult of interactions into an opportunity to change minds, learn from others and gain a deeper understanding from those who see the world differently from us? In part 1 we answer “Why would we even bother to do such a silly thing in the first place?!” If you happened to be in Scotland in 2014 you would be well aware that the rule of etiquette; “Never talk about religion or politics” was temporarily abandoned by most as aimless conversation and chit-chat were replaced with heated talks of currency, oil reserves, and self-determination. The Scottish Independence debate turned every pub, living room, and dinner table into a greek amphitheater, democratic debates surging passionately as Coronation Street played in the background. Politics was present in the liv...

  Close to a decade of delivering conflict resolution workshops has taught me a great deal about how people view conflict. In fact, the lessons start before the workshop delivery itself. My phone rings or an email pings its way into my inbox and I find myself fielding an anxious, and in some cases desperate request for support: “We need help!” “They are out of control”  “We’re dealing with this all the time, it’s non-stop” “We don’t know what to do” These statements don’t always come on first contact, but they inevitably come. I feel empathy for their situation - by the time that an organisation approaches me for help with conflict, be it a school, residential setting, or workplace it’s likely been going on for some time, and likely embedded in the organisational culture. This leads to the individuals of this organisation, not just staff but all affected stakeholders, becoming overwhelmed, hopeless, frustrated and upset. Ongoing and persistent conflict can feel like passing th...

  An edited version of the following blog entry was originally published in "Mediation Matters - January 2023 - Issue 2" the quarterly newsletter of The University of Strathclyde Mediation Clinic.  Alan Jeffrey is a part-time student in his second year on the Msc Mediation and Conflict  Resolution course at Strathclyde University. He currently works for Cyrenians Mediation  support as a family mediator and workshop facilitator, as well as volunteering for  Strathclyde Mediation Clinic and Lothian and Borders Court Mediation. As I approach the one-year anniversary of my first mediation, a hostile standoff between a furious  mother and a newly homeless teenager, it feels appropriate to reflect on the things I have learned.  Like mediation itself, my thoughts and feelings about the practice can be messy, constantly  shifting and are routinely updated as my experience grows. Yet, here are some of the challenges, thoughts, questions, and topics which h...